My Crooked Smile

[alycewilson]

This is my LJ Idol entry on the topic
Someone who will love you in all your damaged glory

My Crooked Smile
(For my husband)

The day my face collapsed,
the left side stoney still,
you called the paramedics for me,
relaying their questions as you held
the phone against your ear, held
your own face still, your voice
soothing. As they examined me,
you talked amiably with them, made
the moment feel normal. So

when the ambulance pulled away,
me on a gurney inside, your calm
followed me. Held onto me
through the tests, the questions,
the IV and blood pressure cuff,
blood draws, CT, MRI,
chest scan and finally,
the diagnosis. Bell's Palsy.

A temporary partial facial paralysis,
brought on by unknown causes.
In my case, probably Lyme Disease.

You sat with me for hours,
cheerfully chatting. You were
my center. My calm. Kept me
chill, finding humor.
(Did you know it's nigh
impossible to say "Bell's Palsy" when
you have Bell's Palsy?)

In the weeks since, you've helped me
pick up medicines, offered
ways to make life easier. To drink
from a straw, for example,
so I don't dribble so much.

I must have been hard
to look at, for someone used to
my normal lopsided smile. But you
never loomed away, never gave me
a look of pity. I can't say
I'm surprised, after nearly 25 years
with you, but I now realize
one way you drew me to you.
I always knew you saw me,
the way I was, and loved
exactly what you saw, no
matter how lopsided.

~~~

I tried to embed images but failed. If you're curious, here's me in the hospital:
Here's me in the hospital.

Here's me today.

Comments

[bleodswean]

Awwwww! I love how hopeful this is in the midst of a pretty devastating situation.

[alycewilson]

Thank you! He honestly turned what could have been a terrifying experience into something much less scary.

[muchtooarrogant]

This was beautiful. Thank you for giving us such an intimate view into your personal life.

Dan

[alycewilson]

Thanks for the kind words. I always feel that moments like this tell you who a person really is, and I'm so grateful.

[favoritebean_writes]

Kudos to your husband for his calm centering stance during all of this. This tribute is really sweet. And I'm glad your recovery is progressing smoothly. Hugs.

[alycewilson]

Me, too! It's going well, to the point where people who don't know what happened don't notice anything. I went to a party yesterday, and I was able to chat with my friends without getting tired! Such a gift.

[pixiebelle]

Your relationship sounds lovely. I’m glad you have your husband by your side through all of this.

[alycewilson]

I'm so grateful for him. They say the best relationships start from friendship, and he was my friend first. He still continues to have my back.

[adoptedwriter]

I am so thankful it was not anything more serious!

[alycewilson]

Absolutely! I had just done my first aid recertification for my job at the YMCA and knew it was a sign of a possible stroke. I'm so relieved that wasn't the case!

[hafnia]

This is really lovely, both the poem and the clearly affection and bond that inspired it. Well-done.

[alycewilson]

Thanks so much! I couldn't have asked for a better topic, given what I've been going through. You never appreciate normal functionality so much as when you haven't been capable of it.

[thephantomq]

<3 <3 <3 glad it was bell's palsy and not so many other things it could have been -- and I'm glad your husband kept a steady presence for you while you were in the process of getting looked over.

[alycewilson]

Thank you! Yes, he was a gift. There was a short period of time when he was sitting in the waiting room while they did an initial examination, but once they let him in, he stayed until they kicked him out because it was past visiting hours. And he came the next day as soon as he could and stayed until I was discharged.

[fausts_dream]

This is really sweet. My uncle recently contracted Bells Palsy recently and is starting to look like himself again.

Kudos to your husband and a quick, full recovery to you

[alycewilson]

I'm happy to hear that your uncle is coming back to himself now. I never realized how many people have experienced this until I had it myself. It's a relief to have people come up to me and tell me that they had the same thing years ago and are completely normal now.

[roina_arwen]

I recall reading about this on FB. What a sweet missive to hubby! Hugs!

[alycewilson]

Yes, he's a keeper, for sure!

[drippedonpaper]

So very sweet. I'm so glad you healed and were supported every step of the way. You married a great guy, but he's lucky too :) I enjoy being your (virtual?) friend, all these years.

[alycewilson]

I enjoy being your friend, too. I'm still waiting for the final corner of my mouth to be able to turn up completely, but I'm about 80 percent better.

[gunwithoutmusic]

I saw your posts on Instagram and I was shocked by how out-of-the-blue it seemed, but I guess it really was. I'm glad to see you doing well. :)

[alycewilson]

It really was! The level of Lyme Disease in my system indicated I'd probably been fighting it off for some time, so now I'm thinking I had it since at least Fall. That probably explains a lot of other things I'd been experiencing, like muscle pain, that I just wrote off as aging.

I'm so grateful now to be doing better every day.

[halfshellvenus]

Oh, what a shock this must have been. I'm sorry this happened, but "temporary" is what you want to hear in a situation like this.

Your husband is a trooper, and I love that his ability to be calm helped you to find some of that yourself, especially at such a scary time.

[alycewilson]

Being calm, I'm learning, is his super power. He's a rock when other people are losing their stuff around them. Over the years, I've learned from him, and it helps me be a little calmer myself.

[murielle]

Oh, this is so beautiful!

Blessings and healing and huge big hugs!

[alycewilson]

Thank you! I can use them!

[the_lucky_nun]

This is just beautiful.

[alycewilson]

Thank you so much!

[static_abyss]

This is such a sweet piece about your relationship with your husband ❤️ Thank you for sharing with us!

[alycewilson]

Glad you liked it! He finally got a chance to read it and gave me a giant hug.

[banana_galaxy]

This is beautiful. I'd love to find a love like this.

[alycewilson]

I'm so grateful. It can take a moment like this to truly appreciate what you have.

[mollywheezy]

What a beautiful tribute to your husband!

[alycewilson]

Thank you! He deserves it.

[rayaso]

I am so glad this wasn't a stroke (which I thought) but "only" Bell's Palsy, which is not permanent. Your husband really understood what love is about. Some don't measure up. I once met a youngish man, married, who had to have part of his intestine removed. He was going to need a colostomy bag for the rest of his life and need future surgery. She divorced him. I'm so glad you have your husband.

[alycewilson]

How sad for that man. I'm hoping he had someone in his life who was there for him.

And yes, I'm truly lucky to have my husband.

[winter_time]

this is beautiful and he sounds wonderful! i'm glad you're making a good recovery and hope you keep progressing <3

[alycewilson]

Me, too! I'm happy to report that I can whistle now. (I love whistling and hated it when I couldn't.)

[dadi]

Unconditional love is a wonderful thing <3

[alycewilson]

It truly is! I'm not sure how much I really appreciated it until that moment.

[erulissedances]

What a truly supportive spouse. You're very fortunate, and you look beautiful, if slightly lopsided. It gives you "character".

- Erulisse (one L)'

[alycewilson]

The funny thing is, I've always been a little lopsided! But the odd thing is that now, until I'm back to normal, my left eye is a little bigger. Usually it's a little smaller. It looks weird in photographs to me.