How to Be an (Undercover) Hermit

[alycewilson]

This is my entry for Week 7 of LJ Idol. The topic this week is hikikomori.

How to Be an (Undercover) Hermit

Make a cave inside
your mind: moss-lush, or candle-sparse. Lined
with books or fluffy cashmere. Stocked
with chamomile, or slushy with gin.
Steamy baths or cold gel masks.
Filled with ballads and chants,
or aggressive guitar riffs, or water
plunking rhythmically.

When overwhelmed with clamor, inhale
deeply; blow open the flap
and escape within.



A photo I took a few years ago inside Penn's Cave showing silhouetted formations against multicolored lights.

Comments

[muchtooarrogant]

Your language throughout this is great, but I particularly love your last stanza

I'm more the plunking water than the aggressive guitar riffs type, but at least there's an option for both. (grin)

Great job!

Dan

[roina_arwen]

Very pretty photo, and lush language!

[adoptedwriter]

Very descriptive and filled with feelings! Cool picture too!

[tonithegreat]

I like the idea of a cozy basement of the mind! And I love that you added the cave picture. I like the idea of brain regeneration in a cave!

[fausts_dream]

Bravo...Showing your versatility here as a writer. Every word has a function, perfectly taut.

[alycewilson]

That's exactly what I was striving for! Thanks so much.

[static_abyss]

That's an amazing picture. It looks so good in the photo, I imagine it was even more beautiful in person.

Steamy baths or cold gel masks.
This was my favorite line in your poem. The beats are just exactly right to sound like music when I read them.

[halfshellvenus]

I liked the descriptive language here a lot.

moss-lush, or candle-sparse.
Love the contrast between those extremes, and that the cave should be whatever suits the mind of the creator.

[alycewilson]

Glad you noted those details. It was important to me to make it both pared-down and descriptive, because it was meant to evoke that "zen spot" that we can carry with us at all times. And of course, everyone's going to have a different idea of what that spot should be!

[alycewilson]

Thanks for the comments on the photo. As my family knows, I take a lot of them! That particular day, it was steamy hot outside and cool and refreshing in the cave.

As far as the music of the language, I tried to excise everything that was unnecessary so it could feel like a moment of respite you can get from breathing and going to your happy place.

[alycewilson]

I'm not surprised that would appeal to you, as I know you take solace from natural areas. It's been more important than ever in this world to be able to find those moments of respite.

[alycewilson]

I'd normally be a "natural noises" person, as well, especially when in the outdoors. However, I've learned over the last several years that harder music can be a great way to channel inner turbulence, so I thought there should be a space for both.

[alycewilson]

Thank you so much! In order for it to be as short as it was -- like a momentary break from the din -- I felt it needed to be as dense as possible.

[alycewilson]

Thanks on both counts! I wanted to be as descriptive as possible within this short breath of a poem.

[xeena]

I love this and the photo too! You really captured the atmosphere <3

[reidharriscooper]

Books and gin... yes. Me.

[rayaso]

I loved the title, and your choice of language was so evocative, especially the last stanza. And I enjoyed the photograph, it was a great illustration for your poem.

[mollywheezy]

I loved your title, the cave analogy and the picture! Great job!

[murielle]

The cave is spooky. The poem delightful. I'll have the chamomile, please. And the books. 😊

My hermit soul is singing. ❤

[alycewilson]

I actually quite like caves, but that's partly because I once dated a guy who taught me about the real natural phenomena inside them that I find so fascinating. I'm not a bit surprised at your choices.

*hands over a cup of steaming chamomile tea and gestures to a stack of intriguing books*

[alycewilson]

Thanks so much! Especially with a shorter poem, you can say a lot with a title. It's really hard not to want to write a lot more about what my goals were with this poem, but I did want it to stand on its own. And I love that you appreciate the analogy, because I really tried to run with it!

[alycewilson]

That means a lot! I know how carefully you select every word in your writing.

[alycewilson]

A little something for everyone! *pours you a drink*

[alycewilson]

Thank you! That was the goal, and to do it with an economy of language so that it seemed just like a momentary respite.

[bleodswean]

This is delightful and I love how you encourage and then give permission for someone to take a break inside!