LJI Week 1: The Stairs

[alycewilson]

This is my entry for LJ Idol, Week 1. The topic is: ""=It's hard to beat a person who never gives up"

When I was a baby, my grandmother dropped me down a flight of stairs. I survived, remarkably unscathed. Ever since then, the stairs have been trying to finish the job.

In the most recent attempt, stairs tripped me on my way to my Cardio Kickboxing class. I pitched forward, falling upwards, catching myself with my forearms. From that instance, I acquired a blue-black line across my left shin, from the edge of the stair, as well as a resurgence of tenderness in my right wrist, already sore from defeating a similar attempt on concrete steps at my apartment complex, this past spring.

My husband tells me to be careful, if not for him than for the sake of our 8-year-old son, KFP. I nod as if there's anything I can do, when I know better. That last time I fell? That was me being careful. I swear I was even looking at my feet when it happened. The stairs don't care.

Careful or not, I’ve tripped the stairs fantastic many times. Some falls have been more spectacular than others. I nearly lost a toenail, twisting in loose shoes and sliding down several steps while on -- wait for it -- the first day of a weeklong family vacation. Nowadays I remember that week as the last time my brother's, my sister's and my family spent time with my Mom, her partner and my Dad, just a year before Mom died. In those days, I thought of the vacation as the Week of the Blackened Toenail. But as Mom always said about vacation mishaps, “At least we’ll have stories to tell later.”

Stories. Like stairs. She told me one once, about a noise she heard bumping down the attic stairs in her childhood home, built by her grandfather in coal country. The sound bump, bump, bumped down the stairs then crashed into the door. When she opened that door, she saw -- nothing. Perhaps, she suggested in breathy tones, the noise belonged to the spirit of her cousin, who had fallen down the steep stairs to her death. Dark, right?

Darkness side by side with light, the story of my family. I prefer to think of that story as the ghostly child imparting a warning to the living girl, my mother, who always afterwards took those steps gingerly.

To be honest, I was a clumsy child. Clumsy still, but thanks to childhood ballet lessons and grad school Jung Sim Do classes, I now fall gracefully.

I wish I had video of my most impressive fall to date. Not the time I was carrying a cushion downstairs, fell in an upright position and spent the better part of a year sitting on donuts. No, my most fantastic fall would have won me $5,000 on Funniest Home Videos, if only captured in video.

In those days I was a relatively spry 27-year-old, delivering pizzas after receiving my master's degree in English. Having just delivered a pizza to Delta Upsilon (DU), who always had sticky floors but tipped well, I headed outside over the front marble steps, not realizing the winter storm had filmed them with an icy sheen. Both feet flew out in front of me, and for an instant, I was completely airborn. Instinctively, my arms flew out in perfect back fall position, smacking the steps with the pizza bags. My only injury from that fall? A bit of a stiff neck, the kind you get if you don't do back fall exactly perfect. Thank goodness I'd fallen while my pizza bag was empty, or else I probably would have seriously injured myself trying to protect the stupid pizzas.

At times, I've pondered the meaning of my stairy destiny. Why did I become the chosen one? Was it my wide feet and habit of walking on my heels? Or did the stairs see the red "V" birthmark on my forehead and mistake it for a sign, an arrow pointing downwards? All I know is that I'm the only one in my family with such tails of handrails. Except for one.

Although she's an inch shorter and seven years younger, many people say my sister resembles me. I think that's how she lost her two front teeth, a couple years early, falling down the front porch steps and landing face first. The stairs mistook her for me.

After so many falls, I've memorized the pattern. A misplaced moment, an instant of stomach-lurching fear, and then the crash. Whether grasping a railing or stretching out my limbs to spread out the impact, that's the part I'm getting really good at. Because if I've learned one thing over all these years, it's that it's not the fall you need to worry about. It's how you land.

Comments

[adoptedwriter]

How you land is very true. Man! I've never fallen on stairs, but my mother has. She's fallen everywhere from Disney World (twice) to Walmart. I could write a whole entry on that one.

[bleodswean]

Ah, yes! Stairs are treacherous and living in an elevated two-story house, it's a daily reminder. All of us, including the dog, have fallen down the inside stairs and the deck stairs. Your stair stories are...told with a flair, but I can feel the shudder underneath the retelling. Yikes!

[rayaso]

Your mother was right - you do have stories to tell about your battles with stairs. This was so much fun to read, if not to experience. "The stairs don't care" - I disagree. At some point, you must have offended a stair monster, who is still out to get you. Perhaps when your grandmother dropped you down that flight of stairs, she was trying to appease her own stair monster, and it failed. So now the stairs are after you!

[alycewilson]

That would be a terrific Halloween story! I was contemplating the idea that the family member who died in my mother's house had followed her and latched onto me, but I wanted to keep this light. My son was reading this one for me, and he liked the humor.

[alycewilson]

Sounds like your mother and I have a lot in common. It's such a frequent occurrence to me that I can hardly believe there's someone who has never done it!

[alycewilson]

In his last year and a half of life, our cat was noticeably more social and happier living in our apartment, which is all on one level, than he had in the two-story row house where we'd lived for much of his life. Poor little guy had hip dysplasia, which is probably why he stayed upstairs near his litter box most of the time. And I just thought he like private time!

[tatdatcm]

I've had my share of stair falls, but you've definitely had a plethora of them. I think the stairs are out to get you.

I liked the underlying humor. I hope it was intentional, so I'm not smiling at someone else's misfortune.

[alycewilson]

It was indeed intentional, so laugh away! With humor, I tend to walk the line between wry and outrageous, often erring on the side of subtle. Humor is a funny thing.

[dmousey]

Have you met my family? We're the clutzetello's! OMG, Alicia and I have been doing battle with stairs, all of our lives!I KNOW your struggle! ✌😊💟

[megatronix]

This is awesome. The "v" birthmark being a downward arrow, and then in the next paragraph, the stairs mistaking your sister for you, both made me laugh out loud. Well done! I'm sorry the stairs are not giving up in trying to bring you down!! XD

It's so true about the landing too, I've sprained my wrists many times landing poorly after wiping out. Sigh...

[reidharriscooper]

Damn straight it's about the fall.
Before I learned how to performance/professional wrestle I was lucky enough to take prat fall classes as a kid.

If not for those I'd of broken a hundred bones by the age of 15. If not for the training later in life, I'd of broken 300 more by now. I'd be a mass of rebuilt bones, metal plates, what have you. Stairs don't get me though. Just side walks.

Them stairs though, they're dastardly. Glad you've been able to laugh about it.

[bsgsix]

We could be sisters. Stairs and I don't agree, either. But you're right - it's not the fall that is as scary as how you may land.

I recall/not as myself recall a terrible spill in 2004 where I walked out of my apartment, slipped on ice from the top step, and slammed my head on the concrete. Halfway down, my head hitting every step, I blacked out, and woke with a concussion. Luckily, I wasn't paralyzed. And then, when they learned I had MS in 2008, it was after falling down the stairs.

This is why the last house we live in (we're currently renting a rancher until we build) will be one story only. We share a terrible enemy, don't we? And I don't wish to tempt fate.

This was humorous and serious all at once. It's nice to read your writing again.

[halfshellvenus]

What a terrifically written entry, tying together all of these stories so well and giving that overall feeling of those stairs being out to get you... because, well, the evidence certainly points there!

[thephantomq]

"It's not the fall you need to worry about, it's how you land."

This is so, so fucking true and I always tell people I have learned how to land well so I don't seriously hurt myself any time I fall (going up or down the stairs or, y'know tripping on air, as I sometimes do). I think you just gotta roll with the being clumsy, sometimes, to survive it. ;)

[dmousey]

^^^ I told Alyce of our 'Clutzetello's' moniker! 😁

[favoritebean_writes]

Oh my goodness, this was a difficult read. Only because this could easily be me, or you know, your sister's fall echoes mine two years ago. Be careful out there.

[the_eternal_overthinker]

Ha! I loved the humor here and what a unique take on the prompt. I am sorry for your falls but they sure made a great entry ;) *Hugs*

Happy to see you back :) looking forward to reading you <3

[bellatrixe]

I once fell down a few stairs (about 8 of them) and it was not a fun experience to say the least. I was sore for a week! Whenever I go down them I'm always convinced I will fall too.
I also did fall up some once too, which was just hilarious to be honest!

if I've learned one thing over all these years, it's that it's not the fall you need to worry about. It's how you land. So true! <3

[bewize]

Really loved the last line!

I am also among the talented who have fallen UP stairs. :)

[troof_therry]

That's a lot of falling, to be sure. I really loved the line "tripping the stair fantastic" and of course the "stairy destiny." Fun to read!

[moretta]

I really like this. As someone who has a difficult relationship with gravity and balance, I absolutely understand how stairs can be out to get you, and no it's not paranoia.
I hope your falls get less frequent, or at least provoke fewer injuries!

[murielle]

Gasp! Yes! Stairs! Evil things!

Great read! Loved the story about the thing going bump in the night, your mom's cousin, and the stairs mistaking your sister for you.

Really enjoyed the read. Sorry for your pain.

Hugs!

[murielle]

Ah! You kill me! :-))

[encrefloue]

My goodness, "stairy destiny" is bizarrely gratifying. Incredible how you take us through a tour of injuries so jovially, then deftly steer the piece through weightier themes. Great work, as ever!

[nayanawrites]

I loved reading this .... And I don't mean it in a wicked sort of way. But a light reading where the writer can makes us laugh always wins a thumbs up.

I have always been cautious with physical falls. What is my sore point is the emotional falls and boy do I have a lot of those.

Well Done with the prompt.

[flipflop_diva]

This is so great! I mean it's horrible but funny but horrible but great. I just love how you wrote this, including your ancestor who was killed by stairs and the stairs mistaking your sister for you.

Luckily, I've mostly only tripped up and down stairs, although my clumsy usually comes from walking into the coffee table. Or maybe it's the coffee table walking into me??

[tjoel2]

"it's not the fall you need to worry about. It's how you land."

So true! My daughter has always been clumsy and she frequently falls as well. She's gotten used to it.

[tonithegreat]

This reminds of the time we had “missing stair” as an idol prompt! An enjoyable telling to read to be sure. But it did make certain parts of my body ache with sympathy.