LJ Idol Week 9: Death Become My Essence

[alycewilson]

This is my entry for Week 9 of LJ Idol. This week's topic is "All Hat, No Cattle."

Abstract art in a parking lot; oil on pavement

death becomes my essence

gossamer wings of
squid glisten at the bottomless
abyss, a mystic cloud of porcelain sugar
raps lightly, clamoring in my ancient yearnings
i have injected thorny abstract distress
into the mad penumbra of my ebony consciousness
surreal fragments descend to the brim
of the darkening gulf
careening to the resounding roar
of forlorn frenzy
hypnotic trance, condemned existence,
my invincible soul is a small
trumpet
playing Taps

for a poem
by a bad poet
to the garbage disposal

---

This was inspired by one of the more overblown submissions I have received to my online literary magazine, Wild Violet. That particular poet was given to excessive use of modifiers, as this poem emulates.

Comments

[roina_arwen]

This made me giggle! That poor poet, I’m sure his poetry was like a cow to slaughter!

[alycewilson]

If it had had a metaphor that clear, it would have been an improvement.

[banana_galaxy]

I'd just like to express my love for the colours of oil on pavement.

[dsrmousey]

Hear! Hear! I second that emotion! And who hasn't written bad poetry! LOL Peace~~~Desiree

[alycewilson]

I certainly have! Ny early poems qwre what I call "thesaurus poems," where I couldn't be happy saying anything in plain English but made it as overwrought and obtuse as possible. So I know where this poet was coming from.

I do sometimes provide feedback for people, but generally only when they're seeking it, or they tend to get a bit bent out of shape about it. ;)

[alycewilson]

Thanks so much! It's one of my all-time favorite photos, which just exists because I happened to look down. But essentially, it's "all hat, no cattle," too, as being something that's just waste fluid.

[swirlsofpurple]

Lol, what imagery though! Clouds of porcelain sugar and ebony consciousness'

[alycewilson]

Exactly the reqponse I was seeking! My challenge was to write a "bad" poem intentionally but in a way that was actually funny, along the lines of the Bulwer Lytton Fiction Contest. It's harder than it might seem!

[erulissedances]

Oh dear, a little overblown? LOL I adored the photo.

- Erulisse (one L)

[alycewilson]

Just a smidgen. ;) Glad you, like me, can find beauty in garbage and waste.

[tonithegreat]

I love this direction for the prompt! And honestly, I'm a fan of the poem, too. A lovely little bite, especially alongside the picture.

[alycewilson]

Thanks so much! It was a fun writing exercise I set for myself, and I'm delighted so many people seem to get it.

[drippedonpaper]

Lol, this was fun, especially as you told the story behind it.

I have/used to/do write poetry. It seems to please others it can't be too straight-forward but also CAN NOT be just all this random abstractness.

And yet, sigh, sometimes it seems that is what works. Poems are published that are so hard to understand and others are like, "Very deep" and I so want to ask, "Really? Or are we all afraid to say, "Makes no sense?"

[alycewilson]

LOL I know exactly what you're talking about. At the time I was in grad school, back in the late '90s, that sort of writing was the rage. I called them "academic poems," because they were largely written by people within the academic community for their peers: naval-gazing musings filled with archaic references. I found inspiration back then in Asian forms: image-based, easily accessible, using small moments to delve into greater truths. And yet, all these years later, there are still many people who believe that poetry must be complex and nigh incomprehensible to be worthwhile.

Now, I'm not saying a poem should just be a diary entry broken into lines (although there's space for that, too), but I much prefer poems that may read easily and yet, upon a second or third reading, the reader discovers deeper layers of meaning.

Thank you for coming to my TED Talk. :)

[ashgael]

Not a bad poem.
I like it.

[alycewilson]

Thank you! I take that as a compliment, because I know you write poetry, as well.

[adoptedwriter]

Great take on the prompt, but I do like the one line: "...the bottomless
abyss, a mystic cloud of porcelain sugar..."

[alycewilson]

That's one of my favorites: it almost makes sense and yet is still utterly nonsensical.

[gunwithoutmusic]

Oof! There are some people that can do flowery language right, but I don't think that a lot of writers that are starting out realize how hard it really is. Never mind that it seems that people think poetry is flowery language and obscured meanings, and you end up with people trying way too hard when it comes to writing poems.

[alycewilson]

Exactly! And much as I'd like to "help out" poets like the one who inspired this, I don't give comments unless they're sought. Too many novices get their backs up if they receive unsolicited feedback.

[gunwithoutmusic]

That's interesting; I was going to ask if you offered this poet feedback, but your reasoning makes sense. Good for me to keep in mind, too, as I've submitted a few things to various places and got more upset that I didn't get any feedback.

[alycewilson]

Most publications have a policy of not offering feedback unless requested, in part because it's more time consuming. The one exception is that sometimes, if a piece is nearly there, you might get feedback to note what they felt was lacking and an encouragement to resubmit. But again, not every editor has the time to do that.

[ofearthandstars]

I'm glad for the explanation here, as I was reading the first few lines several times over trying to let it sink in, and laughed when I finally let go and just made it to the end. I have written some really overwrought stuff in my day, so I can't judge! My favorite bit is i have injected thorny abstract distress / into the mad penumbra of my ebony consciousness .

[mollywheezy]

I really like the "gossamer wings of squid". ;)

I completely LOLed at the ending. :D

[marlawentmad]

I can tell you had a lot of fun with this one! I think this was a very clever way to use the prompt.

[dadi]

LOL...knowing you, by now, a bit, I was originally going...."whaaaat?" when I started to read, but then caught the excellent intention behind it!

[d0gs.livejournal.com]

Heh, I love what you did with this :D