Week 2 - Luzon - Keel-Hauling

[alycewilson]

This is my entry for LJ Idol - Survivor, with the topic "Keel-hauling."

Keel-Hauling

Tethered by my umbilical
I scrambled topside,
mouth opening to suck in
amniotic deluge, viscid
meconium, as forceps
pulled my bulbous head.
I burst to the surface,
too weak to cry. A bulb syringe
drained my brackish lungs,
and I gasped, mewling
for comfort. Was lifted into the arms

of an incubator, white noise
suffocating sound. An ocean
away, my mother grieved
the normalcy they said I'd never
see. My future
stifled by my striving for sun,
my early days plunged
into uncertainty. Every crawl
forward, word uttered, step
taken, my mother celebrated
her miraculous daughter, reborn from salt.

Comments

[gunwithoutmusic]

This was beautiful - I'm so happy to see poetry in this mini-season, especially from people I haven't really seen poetry from yet. I told you a while ago that you have a real gift for putting me IN the story and into the shoes of the narrator, and that carries through into this poem. Good work!

[alycewilson]

Thank you! I actually do write poetry quite a bit, even though I didn't write a lot of LJ Idol entries using poetry in the recent couple of seasons. I'm glad you liked it.

[adoptedwriter]

This is beautiful!!!

[alycewilson]

Thank you! That's great to hear.

[bsgsix]

You write the most beautiful poetry. I've seen it before, as I've been reading your work for a long time now, but I'm glad to see it again. You shine here. And oh, the way you wrote about this topic. I was there, in the room, in that emotional state. Your writing took me there. Thank you for that. This is wonderful. <3

[alycewilson]

Oh, I'm so happy to hear that. Some topics just lend themselves well to poetry, I believe. Writing this in essay form, I would have been tempted to explain too much and it might have become too dry and prosaic. Glad that it had the intended impact.

I, of course, have no real memory of my birth, but my mother loved to tell the story. It was such a fraught time for her, especially after they told her that I might be brain-damaged. Literally every milestone going forward for years was cause to celebrate.

[murielle]

Oh my! This is so ... real! Thank you for taking us with you back to this time in your very young life.

You write this so well and so realistically that I am right there with you from the first line.

Brava! Well done!

[alycewilson]

Thank you! I tried to focus in on clear details that would provide an emotional impression, so I'm really glad that came through.

[megatronix]

Ooh I like "reborn from salt" and "brackish lungs." Very cool! I find it fascinating reading poetry from an infant's point of view. Nicely done. :)

[alycewilson]

Thanks so much! I felt sea water imagery was appropriate, given the subject. Glad it resonated with you.

[bleodswean]

Such powerful imagery, A! I really love this. That last line - oomph! Stellar!

[uselesstinrelic]

Awesome work! I agree w GunWithoutMusic that it's great to see some poems in this :>

[wolfden]

This is really well done. Having had a fairly recent NICU experience, this very much hit home for me. The perspective here really works well.

[n3m3sis43]

I never knew you could write poetry! Really well done. <3

[halfshellvenus]

Goodness, is this the story of your own birth? I hadn't thought about the dangers of breathing in meconium for a long time. A bulb syringe hardly seems sufficient-- you would want to bathe the lungs if you could, but I don't know how that would be possible.

And especially in an earlier era, the risk of infection and pneumonia afterward... I can see why it would be such a worry, for SO LONG, whether it might have drastic long-term consequences.

I loved "lifted into the arms of an incubator" and "reborn from salt" here. You were indeed a miracle!