LJI Week 15: Swear Party

[alycewilson]

This is my entry for this week of LJ Idol (http://therealljidol.dreamwidth.org). The topic is "Lalochezia," which means "emotional relief gained by using indecent or vulgar language."

I drop a slippery shampoo bottle on the locker room floor, "Oh, bother!" I exclaim. Then, somewhat sheepishly, I admit to the elderly woman standing nearby, "I taught myself to say that instead of swearing when my son was little. You know how little kids repeat what they hear."

She looks disinterested, nods slightly, and goes back to putting on her sneakers.

While I have, indeed, strived to eliminate curse words from my everyday speech, I also have a guilty secret. For years, when my son was at school and my husband at work, I'd throw myself a swear party. With no tender ears to hear me, or other adults to witness, I'd walk around the house, cursing at everything and everyone.

I'd curse out the loud neighbors, the demanding boss, the jar of spaghetti sauce I couldn't open.

Sometimes, I'd turn it into a song, dancing around and improvising lyrics. Most English curse words, it turns out, are very easy to rhyme. What luck!

To give you a taste of it, I've written an expurgated version we'll call "Shut the Front Door." I recorded this in the car as my husband was driving and we headed for my sister's place to spend the weekend. It's just over 2 minutes, so I hope you get a chance to listen to it. (Link below)

Lalochezia (Shut the Front Door)

Lalochezia (Shut the Front Door)

This song is for the downtrodden, the frustrated and spat upon. If you've been kicked around, pushed down, laughed at and scorned, rise up! Push back! Speak out and give those sons of a monkey a piece of your mind. Tell them, Shut the frack up.

You can't treat me like this anymore.
Shut the front door!
No more cutting me off in traffic
Or pounding your horn like a piece of shitake mushrooms.
Blasting your music all hours of night --
Cheese and rice!
Your tunes make me vomit.

All those microaggressions,
Misgendering my friends.
Galloping gremlins, you suck!

Slamming doors on children,
Drawing in library books,
You're truly a cad;
You make kittens sad.
And when you see me again, don't press your luck --

I mean, drat! I lost my train of thought.
Oh, coconuts!
This song is about how awful you are,
With your sexist jokes.
Holy guacamole, you make me
Want to scream.

H-E double hockey sticks
Dagnabbit
Snickerdoodle
Banana shenanigans
Fiddlesticks
Merlins's beard
Great Scott
Son of a bucket
Jigglypuffs
Merry Christmas
Oh, fork it
Gosh darn it
Horse hockey
Suffering succotash
Oh, good night

Music from Pixabay.com, "This is Epic" by Music Unlimited

Comments

[banana_galaxy]

LOL so many euphemisms. Thanks for recording this and sharing it on video! I liked the intro to it too. I significantly reduced my swears when I had kids also, but I never thought to swear privately when I was alone like that.

[alycewilson]

Thanks so much for the reply! I know that humor can be risky, but I also knew I needed t9 swing for the fences. I'd played around with writing new words for "Oklahoma," which everyone knows (starting with "Ohhhhhhh... bananas!"), but I really wanted to do something original. Of course, then I had no choice but to record it, because no one would know the tune! It means a lot that someone like you, who knows comedy, responded positively.

And about kids and swearing. It's just one of those lifestyle changes that creep in gradually. For me, it started when I realized he was practicing sounds that he heard from me.

[adoptedwriter]

That was dang good!

[alycewilson]

Wow, thanks! I was inspired by watching season 1 of "My Crazy Ex-Girlfriend" and how their songs often captured a specific sort of musical convention but then did their own thing; used conversational language; and were very meta. So I tried to do a little bit off that same thing here.

[bleodswean]

I was hoping someone would take this bothersome prompt in this direction. I should have known it would be you, A! Brava!

[alycewilson]

Thank you! I thought about writing an uncensored version, but this one was way more fun. The whole idea of somebody who was angry but couldn't allow themselves the satisfaction of actually cursing appealed to me.

[drippedonpaper]

I especially loved "galloping gremlins" and "Banana shenanigans."

You are so original. Thanks for making me smile :)

[roina_arwen]

I’m in a noisy restaurant right now, but I’ll give it a listen when I get home. Fun lyrics though!

[swirlsofpurple]

Swear parties sound fun and this song is amusing with it's list of swear alternatives and very relatable frustrations

[ofearthandstars]

I love that you went for the video! It really helped bring it together. Also, you have given me some new phrases, danke!

[erulissedances]

This was a hoot!

- Erulisse (one L)

[flipflop_diva]

loool this is great! I love the video and the tune and the lyrics. I laughed out loud a few times reading them and watching this.

I've never been a big curser, but one or two have slipped out in front of the kids. Luckily, Ellie hasn't said any of them back, but for the most part I"m trying to watch what I say because I knowing she's hearing everything even when I think she's not!

[d0gs.livejournal.com]

This was so clever and entertaining and made me laugh more than once! :D

[dadi]

Ahhahaa this is great! Original and very well done! Love it!

[the_lucky_nun]

Ha! This is great!